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Friday, January 20, 2006

Question of the Day: Day 20

Why do you think some people say and do mean things to those that they really care about?
Can these people change if they really wanted to?

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think they do to make there self lok good or they feel bad about there self and i know they can change but they have to do it for there selfs.

1/20/2006 10:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I THINK PEOPLE DO MEAN THINGS TO PEOPLE THEY CARE ABOUT BECAUSE, THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE NICE AND CARE ABOUT THE PERSON. THEY ALSO MIGHT BE MEAN BECAUSE THEY ARE IGNORANT EVEN IF THEY DO CARE ABOUT THE PERSON. PEOPLE COULD BE IGNORANT AND STILL HAVE A CAREING HEART.

1/20/2006 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think people are do things that are mean because they have passed experiences that have lead them to feel poorly about themselves or have watched others model behaviors wherein they are mean to others or have allowed others to treat them poorly. This learning,(learned behavior) over time, conditions individuals to develop into the person they are.

No one LIKES being mean to others but it can become habitual to treat others poorly then they surround themselves with others who accept this aberrant behavior. That's where the saying: "misery loves company" comes from. Unfortunately, individuals who treat others badly are usually lonely inside and really want others to like/treat them nicely but don't know how or aren't sure that, they can change.

Gladly, any learned behavior can be unlearned as well. So there is hope for anyone that truly wants to change!

1/20/2006 10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People are wierd. We do things without meaning to, often that we regret later. I hope most of the harm that I have done to those I love has come from misunderstandings. I don't know if this is really so, but its one of the big reasons. Perhaps the other reason is not knowing what to do/what is expected of them.

Ill sleep on this one and post again later if I come up with something new.

1/20/2006 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can deffinately relate to those people because I use to do alot of mean things to my grandma. I don't know why though. She took me into her home and profilled all my needs. She took care of me when I was sick and she helped me when I was down. I would always make her cry and I don't even know why. I regret it because I love her so much and she saved my life. I think people say and do mean things out of spite. Also because it can build up your relationship. I know they can change because I did.

1/20/2006 11:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well all I can say is for me is that I am use to seeing people yell and be rude to those they are close to. So I can truely say that I treat people like I have been treated or things that I have seen. A yes I do belive that people can change if they want to. I have been acting up alot were I live. If I was not able to talk to him I might be locked up right know also his mom has also been a relly nice lady so if it was not for thim I would have been in alot of trouble but they have gave me a reason to do better. I would like to thank them for all there support they have gave me and shown me.

1/20/2006 12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't know why they do it but i know why i do it,i do it because i'm angry and the way i feel that they are treating me,but now i'm trying to change and i don't know if i can.

1/20/2006 1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People say and do mean things to each other because they feel insurcure about themselves. They feel safe around the person and they feel they can take the anger out on that person.

1/20/2006 1:32 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

We talked about a lot of reasons in class this morning: lack of better skills, upbringing, bringing other people down to share misery, taking loved ones for granted, feeling misunderstood or disrespected, etc.

Another one came to me today as I was waiting in the doctor's office this afternoon. Pain. We all know that a dog in serious pain may bite even someone that he/she loves if they hurt bad enough. I think that people do that sometimes, too. When they hurt bad they may blindly strike out at someone close to them without even realizing it.

I think that, whether these actions occur consiously or subconsiously, a person can change that kind of harmful behavior if they make a firm choice to not be selfish in meeting their own needs but always put those loved ones first and think what the consequences (pain) to them might be in all situations.

We may all stumble or fall now and then but if we truly treat the people that we care about with loving tenderness then we are much less likely to say or do mean things to them. Ever.

1/20/2006 4:35 PM  
Blogger S.A.M. Tanner said...

I know that we are not perfect. I don't understand the rest.

I try to be kind to everyone. I try to live by the golden rule all the time. I'm not perfect.

1/20/2006 6:10 PM  
Blogger Mermaid Melanie said...

yea people do lash out when they are hurt don't they?

pain is not the motivater of evil words. its the instigator. and i think that even if you do have those things in your head you should never say them to another person. And sometimes people say mean things to people they don't care about. Does that make it okay?

Words are just as damaging as sriking someone, and shouldn't be used against another human being. IMO.

with that said, i have done it in the past out of anger and hurt. And learned my lesson to purge on a piece of paper and burn it. To get it away from my concious thoughts so it doesnt come out against another. Me hurting someone else out of my own pain is not good. And it hurts when others do it to me as well.

nuff said.

1/21/2006 5:31 AM  
Blogger b said...

I have been thinking about this. Mean People Suck, but, I was raised by mean people, and I've found myself resorting to that kind of soulless behavior with my own kids - I have been working hard on it, and am much better in the last few years - but it's still work, sometimes, and sometimes, I suck at it.

in my mediation the other night, a thought struck me. It has become an aphorism that I am using - I typed it out in big letters:

"I will recognize you, my children, for who you are, and not for who I am afraid you may become."

Of course, people can change. Mostly, I think, people change when they must - wanting to change is helpful, but until we see a reason, or are faced with an undeniable reason, we can be pretty complacent beings.

LIfe is change - I want to live a life that's defined by growth and the search for and the discovery of great change in me.

1/21/2006 8:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think some people occaisionally lash out when they feel like a loved one has hurt them. It's an immature act. We all know, deep down, that another wrong won't make a right. Some of us do it anyway. As others have said above, sometimes it's what we learned growing up. Other times, it's for the totally misguided belief that by knocking someone down, we will look better. There may be other reasons, I don't know.

Can we change? Of course we can. Just watch Nanny 911. Changes like those can be made by anyone who is consistently rewarding good behavior instead of bad and is making an honest effort to change.

1/22/2006 5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was bullied as a kid and that very question haunted me everyday.

Then the answer came very slowly as I learned more about the world: People are the products of their enviroment and they are doing the best they can to deal with their surroundings, situations, problems. And I learned to forgive them in time.

But it doesn't mean that I condone their actions, tho. Just to understand that they couldn't do it anyother way. but I think it takes a good attitude and a willingness to learn about how to treat others to change someone.

1/29/2006 9:31 AM  

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