Question of the Day: Day 12
Can you respect someone that has values that are extremely different than yours?
posted by Michelle at 9:00 AM
We are looking for answers to some hard questions as we dig deep inside and explore our own core values and how that guides not just our own lives but the very world that we live in. These questions will be asked to a group of high school students but we would also like to hear from the world at large. While we hope to keep this forum wide open we do reserve the right to delete responses that we find to be offensive or combative in nature. Thank you for participating with us.
posted by Michelle at 9:00 AM
15 Comments:
of course.
I have learned to the incredible joy of seeking out people who have different values from mine - I find it's important to continually choose my value system.
I certainly have my own opinions, and there are choices that I have made that I may never change - but I don't concern myself with what I already know - I don't know enough, and I want to know more.
"If you wanna sim, you gotta get wet." I think Louis armstrong said that, but can't remember for sure.
Gender, race, creed, color, religion, sexual preference are all major values that our experiences of family, culture, society, and (most visibly) constantly reinforce. I want more than that narrow field of view- I want to be a part of all life - and, since I cannot go everywhere adn do everything in the short time I have to tromp about on this dirtball, I'm going to find as many people as I can who want to show me their world, too.
I am living in a place where the value and belief systtems are very rigid - I only hear 2 languages, on a regular basis, I can't get Thai, Korean, or Arabic food here - I cannot go to a theatre in my area and see a film in a foreign language - I am Buddhist, and there is not a monk within 300 miles of here, not a Lama within 1000. THERE ISN'T EVEN A DECENT DELI HERE!!!!!! AAAAaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!
(sorry, lost it for a minute there...)
But I have the internet, and that makes a big difference.
Value Diversity - being open to others values is a great step toward world peace, and a long, adventurous life!
Absolutely. Surrounding yourself with people who have the same exact value set as your own is not only boring, but unhealthy. Seeking out new ideas not only exposes you to how others think, but it allows you to either accept what they are saying or organize/strenghthen your argument against what they are saying. Either way, they make you think, and that's a good thing.
This question came out of our can before the one that asks what exactly "respect" is (heads up for those of you paying close attention to what a future question most certainly is).
Our morning discussion went about 20 minutes over what it usually runs. We covered some fairly BIG issues like people with opposing views on abortion, religion, ethnic cleansing, and even child abuse.
This question went far beyond the sensitivity to cultural diversity, lifestyle choices, and politics. I'd like to think that I not only respect those differences in other people but that I even celebrate them enthusiastically.
Here's where we went sideways this morning:
Can I just give a blanket statement that I respect every single person regardless of their actions? I don't think so. I wish that I was more like Gandhi but the truth is that I have not evolved that far yet and I recognize the differene between who I would like to be and who I am in reality.
If I see a person beating a child in public they will not have my respect for their actions. About as close as I come to respecting them is to put my faith into the American Justice system (as flawed as it may well be) and, right after I intervene, I can respect that they have the right to a fair and speedy trial that will, hopefully, dispense the consequences that fit the crime. I can respect that they have basic human rights but I just don't know if I can still say that respect them. Perhaps this is just too close my heart (and some of my students') than what I can be comfortable with.
I guess, as some of the kids so eloquently stated this morning, I can respect that a person believes something different than I do but when their beliefs become acted out and cause harm (physical, mental, or emotional) to another person(s) then the respect that I had falls to the bare minimum. I will not cause harm to them or be intentionally mean but I don't have to like, admire, or feel good about them.
This seems to even be in direct conflict with what I do for a living. I don't have a problem giving students lots and lots of chances to make better choices. I don't hate them when they make mistakes, even big ones. I can fairly easily separate the child from the action. It is much harder for me to do the same with adults, especially in regards to heinous crimes against humanity. At what point are we supposed to know better and become more accountable for our actions?
This is, by far, the toughest question that I have answered. I am not sure that I have answered it well but i have tried hard to resolve the inner conflict that this one gave me. To be even more honest - it makes me uncomfortable to think that it may be so hard for me when it appears to be quite simple and uncomplicated for other people.
Hmmmmmm......
I can respect someone that has diferent values then me. It's because I can learn from there values and use what I learn to make me a better person.
yes i can because whatever they believe is there choice and every body is different and is cool to hear about other belives maybe you won't like it maybe you will.
Whan I was younger alot of horrible things happened to my sister and me. I have so many awful memories that still haunt me today. I don't remember a time in my much younger life that I wasn't scared that something was going to happen to me. My mom had married this guy when I was about 5 years old. At first he seemed great. He would talk to me and tell me story's at night. Then he started getting use to the idea of having a family. We lived in this trailor, my mom, stepfather, sister, and me.
So as time went on more and more crap started to happen to me and my family. At first he was just minorly hitting my sister and I. Then one day he was not only hitting us, he was litterly beating the crap out of us. Then one day my sister came crying to me saying that "he touched me" and I wouldn't beleave her. It kept going on and she kept coming back to me saying the same thing. I should have listened to her. I hated myself for so long for not listening to her but I was only 7 or 8 years old there wasn't much for me to do.
Then CPS came into the picture and he was sent to prison. It was 4 years but to me the time went by so fast. I wish with all my heart that he would still be there today because what he did. Later what he did really hurt my family. There was a restraining order summond on him and at that point. I found out that he would be living next door to the only home I have ever knowen. Now being a child of foster care theres no way that I would be aloud to go back home. So much had happened and I would say alot of it is very unfair. I don't have to respect him for what has happend. Or for the kind of person that he had become. But at least I'm not going to go down to his level and show him the DISRESPECT that he has givin my family and me.
So I can say that I would be able to respect someone with different values than me. Unless that that person values were use to hurt people. Any one that uses there values to hurt people are VERY low and undergrated people. But unfortunatly there are ALOT of people like that in the world.
Im really not sure. I think I could respect someone who's values and beliefs were different from mine...as long as they didn't (directly) harm anyone. But yeah, if someone believed beating thier kids once a week was right, I would think they were trash. So, up to a point, yes.
Although it does depend on the meaning of 'respect' yes.
Of course you can respect someone with different values than your own. You can usually learn a lot from them. Learning from them and respecting them does not change your own value set - it informs you of the choices that fall before you in the world - opening your eyes in every choice you make.
"You must stand for something or you will fall for anything"
These words my father said to me many times during my childhood. Having tried to take that to heart, I find that I am actually much more able to respect those who hold opposite opinions to mine (and like them for their strength despite the fact that I disagree with them) than I am able to respect those who don't seem to be willing to disagree with me because they don't seem to have a core, they don't believe in anything strongly enough to be firm. I think it was this kind of person who let the Nazi's come to power.
Yes, I can respect some one who has extreamly different values than I do, as long as they don't try to force it opon me. I am a christain and I try to teach people about god but I do not force it opon them. I have seen many people of different religions, and some have tryed to force their religion on me, those are the ones that I do not respect, but I do respect the ones that say OK wene I say I am a christain and I don't want a different religion.
it depends on the values they hold. if these values hurt, disrespect and devalue a person then it isn't good for me.
but someone who I can learn from to become a better person, of course I can.
I agree with S.a.m. Respecting someones beliefs isn't the same as being all limp about everything. Respecting someones beliefs includes making a decent argument against them.
Usually, yes. But if the person's values involve harm or ill will toward others (and a great lack of Oneness and compassion), then I most certainly can't respect those values or the person for having them.
If a person's values involve a propensity for harming others, i.e. blowing up abortion clinics (and whoever may be inside), racism, genocide, or even theft, not only won't I have respect, but I flat out won't understand them. So, cutting to the chase. No, I can't, at least in every situation.
Now when a value differs from mine, yet harms no one, I feel pretty confident that I will accept them and respect them. Case in point...When I was in HS, I used to say stupid stuff like "No fag better ever hit on me...I'll kick his butt!" Several years later, in a club that very thing happened, but there was no butt-kicking. I simply realised that he was doing the exact same thing I was doing there...trying to meet someone else. We just differed in who are targets were. We both were looking for someone to connect with, pure and simple. If I couldn't respect his choice, I certainly couldn't even respect my own self, because MY values differed from his!
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