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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Question of the Day: Day 17

If you have (had) children would you raise them the same way that you were raised?
Why or why not?

21 Comments:

Blogger Alexandra said...

If I had a child (and at this point in my life, it would only be one cause I'm getting older) I would raise it with all the same basic moral values I was raised with (respect for people, things etc..), with all the love and attention I was given, but without the narrow-minded religious views. I would focus more on bringing a sense of spirituality into the child's life rather than any one dogma.

Also, I would not have a child unless I was married to a man who would have his heart and soul into fatherhood. This is why I will not adopt a baby on my own--I grew up with a dad in the house, but boy was he an absentee and emotionally neglectful man. Took me most of my 20s to heal from that.

Those are the conditions under which I would raise a child.

1/17/2006 9:32 AM  
Blogger b said...

I have six children, and I work hard to raise them differently that I was.

I was raised in a home that purported to be spiritual, but was dogmatic. In my childhood home anger and violence were solutions. Sex was shameful and love was a vague, unattained fantasy. I grew up in a home where racism was accepted as natural.

In my home, happiness was something that could only be attained after death, if we toed the line while we were alive, that is.

I have struggled with many of these paradigms, come to many epiphanies that allow me to raise my children to be healthy, happy, non-judgemental, freethinking, open-hearted people.

I'll know in about 20 years whether or not I did a good job - and I'm optimistic towards that future!

1/17/2006 9:33 AM  
Blogger Alexandra said...

Oops, I forgot the why or why not....the first part about values = because it helped make me the compassionate and respectful person I am today. Helped me make sensible choices throughout my life.

The second part - because I'd want my child to have the superb fathering I did not.

1/17/2006 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My own father was a rather distant, authoritarian figure when I was a child. Looking back, I can see that he found dealing with children difficult, particularly when they were small, and tried simply to materially provide for myself and my sister as best he could. I vowed, though, to ensure that any children I might have would never be in any doubt how much I loved them. My daughter (now coming up 8) receives hugs and kisses on a regular basis and is very free with hugs herself :)

1/17/2006 9:36 AM  
Blogger Natsthename said...

I do have children, and I have raised them in basically the same way, but they have more than I did back then. More toys, more sports, more of everything. When I consider all that, I don't think they are better off than I was.

I found your link at RP.

1/17/2006 9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I have children, I probably will raise them the way I was raised, mainly because that's the way I learned how. It could be good or bad, ignorant or bright, in the way children get raised. Hopefully, if someone's raising badly, someone else will intervene.

1/17/2006 10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had my 3 children when I was fairly young (my youngest was born when I was 25) so I wasn't too far past being a child myself. As a result of being such a young parent, I think I relied mostly on instinct instead of being mature enough to really think parenting through and make "correct" decisions. But the good thing about that was, I believe my instincts came mainly from how I was raised, which, I have to say, I have few complaints. BUT... if I had it to do over (which all parents probably wish they did) I would do more of the following:

1. Show more physical affection to my sons - I think this fosters a kind of warmth and security that you don't get from just words.

2. Be able to show my kids my own vulnerability and admit to them how often I can be wrong - I think it is important to kids to know that their parents are human. This includes being able to talk about the mistakes I made in the past; I found it hard to do this with my kids.

3. Take each one out for their own special time instead of always travelling in a herd. I think each has to feel special at times.

3.

1/17/2006 11:26 AM  
Blogger Joni said...

My aunt-in-law asked me when I was pregnant with my first child, what the most significant thing I'd learned from my mother about parenting was. The silence that fell over the room was answer enough.

Growing up with two alcoholic parents has made me vow to never subject my children to that kind of environment. It was full of anger, hatred and dysfunction.

I am raising my children in a home where communication is key, where the parents are demonstrative about their love for one another and for their children, where conflict is resolved by talking rather than yelling, where the parents can admit they are wrong and correct their mistakes and where compassion and empathy are taught by example and words.

Sometimes I still hear my mother's voice come out of my mouth. But I really do try to keep that to a minimum.

1/17/2006 11:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no because i wasn't raise with good parents they did drugs and they didn't really know how to be good parents so i will not raise my kids like i was raise.

1/17/2006 12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mostly....I am turning out all right. But I hope I will admit that I am wrong if I am. And I hope that any kids I have will be able to talk more openly with me than I do with mum.

1/17/2006 12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a son and I try to raise him with the good christian values that my parents used, I'm just not as strict on him as they were on me. I allow him to have more freedom than I was given, and he states that he is going to live with me for ever.

1/17/2006 5:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I guess my awnser is no, I didn't do thimgs the same as my parents. I'm not saying that what they did was wrong, I just did things my way. I was told by family and friends that I was to stricked, I was not stricked enough, and that I was doing everything right. I don't know who was right, all I know is that I taught my kids to be honest and careing. There is no hand book to tell you what you should or should not do, you can only pray that your way is the right way for your kid's. I belive that everyone has some sort of GREATNESS inside of them. It is up to each individual when it comes to raising their kids. Oh, and don't worry if you have not found your greatness, Michelle or some wonderful person like her will find it for you. I know you will all be great in what ever you do. Thank you all for sharing a little bit of you, with all of us.

1/17/2006 10:15 PM  
Blogger Mermaid Melanie said...

I am a new mother. Well, two and a half y ears new. This parenting thing is surreal! The universe picked me to have this wonderful little being live with me and follow my guidance.

My parents are not perfect role models. I am going to try and do things differently than my parents did, well actually my mother raised us. My father was gone ALOT! he is in sales.

That being said, I was not given enough encouragment as a child to believe in myself. Hence i have spent many years striving to regain self respect. and battle with this everyday! I don't want my child to endure that. Children need encouragement. And security in their abilities. I did not receive enough of that as a child.

1/18/2006 6:01 AM  
Blogger Mermaid Melanie said...

and alot less drama! man those people still fight with each other. its really immature. i am glad that i am older and having my first child. i wish his father was involved, but he is not. And that may be the best for my son.

1/18/2006 6:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would not raise my child the same way as my dad and mom raised me. I would give them all my love and the world i would treat them with respect and kindness i hope when my kids have a problem they can come to me and not be scared.

1/18/2006 8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would not treat them the same because i dont get paid attention to that much and i always get what i want i dont want my kids growing up thinking they'll always get what they want thats a bad example

1/18/2006 8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have to say yes in some cases and no in other cases. My father left me and my mother as soon as I was born, so I was raised by my mom my whole life. There was times were I would cause a lot of trouble. I was spanked with a wood spoon, that is one of the punishments that used to happen to me wene I messed up that I would not use on my child. I am nearly 15 and to old for that punishment now. A punishment that I would use is grounding, or taking away the cell-phone, thats the punishment that I get now. I agree with that one

1/18/2006 9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IF I HAD CHILDREN I WOULD RAISE THEM HOW I WAS RAISED, IN THE GOOD WAYS. I WOULD NOT RAISE THEM HOW MY MOM RAISED ME. I WOULD NOT MAKE MY KIDS GO THROUGH THE BAD THINGS I WENT THROUGH, BECAUSE IT WAS BAD.

1/18/2006 9:50 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I think that I have incorporated the things that I liked and valued from my upbringing and eliminated a few of the ones that I didn't like.

When I hear myself say something that my mom would have said - it makes me smile. I have a tremendous amount of admiration and respect for her (even though I'm sure that I don't let her know that very often).

I'm also very lucky to have a great step-father whose work ethic is a tough yardstick to measure by. WHen I catch yself taking a shortcut or leaving something only half done I know that both of my parents would shake their head at me and encourage me to do more.

I obviously make mistakes with my own kids. They didn't come with an owner's manual so I'm learning as I go. There are some ways that I wish I had MORE of my mom's good qualities or my dad's hardworking mindset to give to my sons so that would be more successful in school. I wish, too, that they had my love of learning so that they'd actually WANT to do their best instead of just enough to get by. The boys are too much like their dad and me when it comes to that.

The one thing that matters the most, though, is LOVE. The boys know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love them just as I know that my parents love me so I guess in that regard - we're doing it right!

1/18/2006 5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Without going into the ugly details, I would say I also try to incorporate only the good. My father had an excellent work ethic, and for that I owe him much. My mother used to not be afraid of trying new things and I certainly would encourage that. Neither one tolerated lieing and I agree. Punishments were never just idle threats, but something that got acted on if the conditions were met. I try to do that as well.

I think the thing that is the greatest struggle for me is to convey love and respect. I truly do like and appreciate the twins, but don't think I effectively let them know that. For some reason, I've probably focussed on the negative things they've done since I came into their lives instead of their positive attributes. Psychologically, I've made it some big hurdle to get over. I don't know why. I think I need to actively try to fix this.

1/19/2006 7:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I had children I wouldn't want them to be raised the same way that I was raised because know child should have to grow up in and out of group homes. My parents were never there but at least I can do my best for them.

1/27/2006 9:04 AM  

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