Question of the Day: Day 8
What are some of the benefits of "forgiving" (to both the giver and the receiver)...?
posted by Michelle at 9:05 AM
We are looking for answers to some hard questions as we dig deep inside and explore our own core values and how that guides not just our own lives but the very world that we live in. These questions will be asked to a group of high school students but we would also like to hear from the world at large. While we hope to keep this forum wide open we do reserve the right to delete responses that we find to be offensive or combative in nature. Thank you for participating with us.
posted by Michelle at 9:05 AM
10 Comments:
The benefits of forgiveness to the one being forgiven are obvious - they no longer need feel guilty, and pay any penalty for whatever it is that they did. The benefits to the one doing the forgiving are more subtle. On the surface it would appear that you simply allow someone to get away with doing wrong to you, and do yourself out of whatever they were going to do to make it right. But forgiveness can end a feud, stop conflict, and simply put an end to some bad feeling. Perhaps you put a price on your forgiveness - repair this wrong and we will forget about it or suchlike, but a greater gift, and a greater reward comes from unasked, freely given forgiveness.
Forgiveness lets the person who has wronged me know that I still love them despite the hurt they've caused, and enables them to better let go of guilt and continue on in our relationship in a healthy way.
Forgiveness, for myself, enables me to continue on with the person in a healthy way as well...and without carrying around the toxic baggage inside that is only hurting myself and not the offending party.
Sometimes this takes a long, long time--even if you WANT to forgive (I'm going through this right now) and all I know to do is keep letting go of the STORY of the wrongdoing that keeps playing over and over in my head and perpetuating the hurt.
I heard a quote once, "It it far easier to frogive someone else for wrong they havve done to me than it is to forgive them for witnessing the wrong they have seen me do."
Forgiveness is release from the terrible, poisonous emotions that, in the end, hurt us worse than the person who did us wrong.
"To err is human, to forgive divine." -Alexander Pope
And, when we have forgiven others, or especially ourselves, that connection with our own spark of divinity is ther, manifest, and powerful.
When we forgive others we teach by doing. We teach others how to be divine, too.
It's amazing how much anger we can let build up prior to forgiving someone for doing wrong, and how it consumes us. To me, being the forgiver allows for more serenity.
The same could be said to being forgiven, but I do agree that much of that serenity comes from being able to let go of guilt, as opposed to anger.
Being forgiven is like having a burden or a personal debt lifted from my shoulders. It lets me know that some harm or damage that I have caused to another can be worked out.
Forgiving another person is letting go of a debt or a harm that I had felt was owed to me for whatever reason. It may not always completely balance the scales (depending on the level of hurt that I've done or was done to me) but it IS a beginning.
Being on either side of the forgiveness or even just being a witness to it also causes our brains to release chemicals that make us feel good. It promotes a general feeling of wellbeing and rightness with our little corner of the world.
Imagine what the whole planet could feel like if we could all fogive on a global scale. We'd have no need for wars or aggression!
One of the benefits of forgiveness is that it feels nice when you realize that people aren't as bad as you think they are.
I think that one of the greatest benefits that come from forgiving someone and yourself is getting that problem off your chest.
I think that it's a great feeling of of rielf. Knowing that you were able to get things off your chest that needed to be.
I can say that it can be very difficult sometimes. Especially if if was something very serious.
I'd say it positively affects the forgiven, the one who forgives, and everyone who witnesses it. As Martha says, "It a good thing!"
I think we all get that there is definitely a load lifted off of one's shoulders when someone forgives you for a faux pas. Myself, if I forgive another, it does make me feel better. If nothing else, it decreases the level of tension. At best, it opens up the possibility that the relationship can be strengthened.
The people who happen to view or hear another being forgiven also begin to feel good. It is a terrific thing to see a tense situation become one that is relaxed, peaceful. It's kind of like a smile being contagious. When you smile at another, it makes them smile back. That is the feeling others get when two people forgive each other and make up.
Some benefits to forgiving are you dont have to feel bad all the time. Also you might be able to be liked more. You may also feel good about yourself that you were man or woman enough to say sorry whether or not that other person forgave you or not.
When you are ready to forgive someone, or yourself for something, it lets alot of stuff out. You lift a burden off your shoulder.
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