Question of the Day: Day 193
Do you think that most teenagers need more independence or more structure in their lives? How would that help to prepare them to be responsible adults?
posted by Michelle at 8:33 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
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7 Comments:
I think they need both because the independence helps them learn from their mistakes and they need the structure to help them make the right options in life.
http://blittlered9.blogspot.com
I think that children begin with much structure and little independence and as they get older they are provided opportunities to be gradually more independent and less structured as they demonstrate the ability to be resonsible and handle more and more freedom.
There is no magic formula of how much or at what age this all happens. It is entirely unique to each individual and his or her experiences and maturity level.
The more independence and responsibility that an individual can experience then the more prepared they are likely to be for a successful transition to becoming adult citizens of their communities.
We have had teens working in our office. One was very open and honest. She said that the teens have sex for recreation. I am not a prude, but the consequences of this can be devastating to these young peoples lives.
I think that there needs to be more structure to their lives. The ones I know, their parents give them everything, including their freedom. Now, some of them wish they could go back..
That's just what I have personally observed.
In two more weeks I will have acquired my third teenager - with three more coming up through the ranks.
Teenagers need both independance and structure - there is a tenuous balance between the two extremes that must be struck and maintained.
They must be able to be free to make choices and decision, because they are getting old enough that events may require them to do so - choices about sex, drugs, love, jobs, health, and planning for their own future. This freedom to decide needs to be given in exchange for their willingness and ability to accept and use this freedom responsibly - the structure is there as both a guide and a consequence, just as it is with laws and rewards in the "real" world.
I think one of the most important thing I do to help them participate in maintaining a balance is to show them the "real" world for what it is - amazing in it's presentation of myriad opportunities, both positive and negative, and amazingly ruthless in it's disregard for excuses.
When my children complain that something isn't fair, they know what I'll say - "You're right, it isn't fair. However, it sounds like you have a problem, what do you think you can do about it?" I listen, try to help them if they need it, and make them do as much of the work as possible for them to understand that success and happiness is not some end goal, it's the process.
And it's hard for them to get by, sometimes, because they see so many of their peers either living in a life of total structure, which renders the child unable to make decisions for themselves, or one of total freedom, where the kids try so hard to define their boundaries that someone (usually the court) ends up having to step in and define those boundaries for them.
I really can't add here, except to say that all these comments build a pretty solid house...
I think that teens need to have structure in their lives- to the extent that we all need to have somewhat of a routine & reason to get out of bed in the morning, & feel good about ourselves at the end of the day. However, I think that there should be choice as to what their structured day will include. It makes sense that responsibilities be encouraged & accepted in incremental steps- according to readiness in the proces of working toward adulthood indepencence.
being a teenager i feel that we need both but not so much structure because then they will rely on that structure there whole lives which tottaly over powers the point of independence. we need that extra little push sometimes. basically to open our eyes to whats right and whats wrong. then set them free there going to make there own decisons so if we give little independence the more rebelious a child becomes.
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