Question of the Day: Day 265
How does it make you feel when people that you care about deliberately hurt themselves? What would you say to them?
posted by Michelle at 8:38 AM
Friday, September 22, 2006
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2 Comments:
At first, I feel scared and guilty.
I really care about the person and I feel that there must be something I can do to make them not do that. But then I start thinking that no matter what one can say, there is no way to control another by word or deed. One says, YOU made me do that. But WHO did the actual action? No one can make one do anything. The person chooses to deliberately hurt themself.
That is hard to accept. One I can do is help the person is by being supportive and communicative, help the person realize is if they can change the way they think about something it can make a difference.
"Like choosing the attitude you want to have today. Even if you feel lousy or sick, or the rain is pounding down or the sun is burning down, say I feel fantastic, think what a wonderful day, if its cold think of warming yourself by a warm crackling fire, if its hot think of being in the arctic or ice cubes on your skin. Happiness is something you can decide on ahead of time. And learn to say so what? So what if that person said this or that other person did this, what am I going to think or do about it is what matters to me?" Sometimes one has to think about who is winning if you hurt yourself? Way back when you were hurt, that person, or the person today that hurts you, if you hurt yourself, you lose and they win. But if you don't hurt yourself and you smile and you do what makes you happy and believe in the wisdom of your heart, you win, they lose.
Well, I used to find self injury (cutting, scratching, burning oneself) very disturbing. However, because I work in a field where it is somewhat common, I've learned not to become distraught about it. While I still believe that it is an unhealthy behavior, I also believe that it is merely a copying mechanism for some; most people who S.I. do not intend to end their lives.
In regard to emotional self sabatage, I am willing to listen to another vent & to validate their feelings (meet 'em where they're at)
BUT I have learned that I can NOT & so I do NOT try to "fix" anyone.
The greatest thing that "we" can do is to be able to (with support) "fix". or change ourselves. "We" must want to heal/change & cannot expect others to put more effort into "us" than we are willing to put into ourselves.
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