Question of the Day: Day 178
Have you ever been around someone who acts like a martyr (a person who sacrifices or suffers for others or for principles) and who like to frequently remind people of how much they always do and how little appreciation they get? What's the best way to respond to someone like this?
posted by Michelle at 8:38 AM
6 Comments:
Yes.. I just try not to let it bother me.
What more could I do , without causing hurt feelings?
Oh Dear, yes, I used to be a MILD martyr myself. I have learned to delegate chores to others... let the unimportant things go, NOT "sweat the small stuff", & continue to work on standing firm in NOT doing "it" (a chore, errand, etc.) just because bothers me that it's left undone.
I declare, I am NOT, nor have I ever been perfect. There was a time when I tried to be... the best mom, woman, wife, friend, employee, student, person~ all that did was drive me & the people around me nearly insane. (I, now, even wear miss matched socks occassionally & don't care who sees).
I finally concluded that if I am not part of the solution, I really part of the problem. I've fine tuned my attitude toward life, house~work, being fit, being overly service oriented. I am happier.
In my opinion, complaining does not solve anything~ it's o.k. to vent occassionally, but NOT to be a martyr. If others are not willing to change themselves of their own free will... "we" need to make appropriate changes in our lives to be happy.
Yeah, martyrs, they'll die for you - they'd better, because if they don't they'll suck the life right out of you, and then go die for someone else.
What do I do? Back away slowly, maybe I won't be noticed.
I have to be honest and say that sometimes, and recently at Radio Paradise, I have felt like I'm acting like a martyr. I commented to Brandog today about how hard it is to feel like I'm not being taken seriously. I really hate feeling like that....and often it(RP) is a place where someone might post a picture of dog poop, or spout off some foolishness and get 20 or 30 comments, and I'm lucky to get 2 or 3 sometimes, and often one of them is mine! I've never been good at popularity contests. I struggle with that a little. It is my ego getting in the way of the bigger picture; This form of communication is all so new to me, and so remote, and that is the nature of it...the boundries.It is imperfect and a poor substitute for warmblooded interaction, which is where the balm for my lone wolf syndrome sooths. In cyberspace
I feel a little more high maintenance.It seems like it should be the other way around doesn't it? I'm just a weird dude sometimes, and thats ok; I just don't want to be a martyr...
The best way to respond is to buy one of those little 8-Balls that you turn over for the answer...LOL
Seriously, some of us just need a little push sometimes, and others need one all the time. It's tiresome but not likely to change...
If you care about the person, you might want to discuss the issue with them. Martyrs generally think that their suffering is for the benefit of others, and they may be surprised to find that their loved ones would prefer them to be happy even if it means picking up some slack. Many years ago I read the statement "no-one loves a martyr" - I have no idea who said this, but it made me think... I tended to be a bit of one back then, thinking it was somehow noble. But the perspective that no one is going to appreciate it made me reconsider how I was acting, and I'm much happier now.
*sigh*
Yes. Both in my personal and in my professional life.
We all need to feel appreciated for who we are and what we have to offer so it is important to make sure that people are acknowledged for their contributions on a regular basis (children AND adults).
A person that takes this too far, though, may need to be responded to differently.
The person that I am currently thinking of is best responded to by making sure that any "favors" are negotiated up front and that any strings attached or return favors owed are agreed upon ahead of time. This makes it much easier to deal with any guilt-filled statements later on in a matter-of-fact way that certainly leaves me less frustrated.
Doing it this way, I am less likely to harbor any feelings of annoyance and be more able to continue being professional and courteous.
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