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Friday, March 03, 2006

Question of the Day: Day 62

Do you act differently around different groups of people?
How so? Why?

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do act diffently depending on the group I am with. While I don't change my core values, or express them differently, I do act different.
If I am amoung my wild and crazy friends I'll join them by being wild and crazy!
If I am amoung my more sedate freinds, I'll act accordingly.
I still "am who I am" but do act differently to fit in with that group and make them comfortable with my presence.

3/03/2006 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes i do. Everyone does; I am polite and respectful to teachers; I take the micky out of my friends. It all depends on context.

3/03/2006 9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes I do because people think differnt about me on how I act.

3/03/2006 10:15 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

We have all pretty much agreed, here in the classroom, that we behave differently with some people than with others. We cut loose a bit more with our friends than we do with our elderly relatives or bosses. We adapt our actions to the environment that we are in and, hopefully, our values remain constant.

This question was initially posed by the Behavior Management Specialist and it was brought up because a few of the kids in my class tend to act very different when I am out of the classroom. They clown around a lot more, reply to the staff with disdain or ignore them altogether, and disrupt the classroom and their peers.

This is very disconcerting. I have to be away from my classroom for 10 afternoons this month (required observations) and I have a 3 day assignment at the beginning of next month. I need to KNOW that my classroom will continue to function with respect even when I'm not there.

Most of our kids are here for behavior reasons so this really is a big deal here. This discussion lasted for 35 minutes this morning because I really stressed to them that when they disrespect the other staff then they are also disrespecting themselves and even me.

They need to do the right thing BECAUSE it is the RIGHT thing and not just because I am the one here to keep them accountable.

How do I get them to understand this?

3/03/2006 10:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I also act differently around different people. At school I am so less likely to flirt with a chick than at classes or home because it's such a tightknit school. I mean, you could tell one person something secret, and five minutes later the whole school knows about it.

3/03/2006 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do I get them to understand this?

Hi Michelle,

I tuned in a little late today and revised my response to adress your new question, hope you get this in time.

Question: in your absence, does anyone else act as the group leader/teacher? I'm not clear on this. I am assuming that there is an adult who can look in from time to time and settle the class, so thing don't get too out of hand.

My suggestions are very general as I don’t know specifics about your group. I would begin with a class discussion. Establish the "ground rules" for classroom behavior. State to everyone that you require them to behave when you are away, same as when you are present.

Reiterate that it is a sign of maturity for an individual to behave consistently, at all times, whether you are present or not. Explain that when they misbehave, they exhibit their own lack of self respect, and disrespect for others. Discuss with the kids their responsibility to behave, that you will be informed of their behavior when they misbehave, and there are consequences for their misbehavior. Ask them what they think is appropriate behavior, and what is unacceptable. Some kids need to be made aware, in personal terms, what is required. By asking them to explain themselves, you put the onus of responsible conduct squarely on their shoulders.

First, are their "special needs" kids in the class, (ADD, ADHD,)? If so, this may be too much of a requirement for you to be absent. Some individuals cannot function (behave appropriately) without regular supervision and intervention. As I do not know the specific case histories, and we are talking about a group, my suggestions are skewed toward a behaviorist psychological approach, as opposed to a cognitive model, which required more of a one-to-one interaction to achieve understanding.

Second, (assuming the first case is not an issue here) establish a reward schedule. Those who practice good behavior receive positive reinforcement. Those who misbehave will experience a "response cost" (some call it "omission"). This is not a punisher; it is the denial of a privilege that they value.

Establish what the privilege is, and make it something that is an incentive. To be effective, it must function as a reinforcer of the behaviors you expect. The denial of such a privilege must also be something significant, otherwise the reinforcer will not be effective.

Peer pressure often works well. Is there an "alpha male" or "alpha female" in the group? This is someone whom the kids respect, will look up to, and will listen to. A "alpha peer" is a vital tool in many situations like you described. This person must be a kid who will listen to you, and will be mature enough to act wisely, and fairly, to the other kids. Remember, this is not a bully or a hostile/aggressive type, but a kid whom you can talk to, reason with, and whom you feel you can trust to act on your behalf in your absence.

Finally, if the kids are too "needy," or too rowdy, or simply unable to control themselves for whatever reason, then an adult will need to be there and be in charge.

I am available, later in the day, through RP (PM/email)if I can be of assist.

Best regards,


Walt K.

3/03/2006 12:46 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Thank you, WaltK and WiNgS...

Our school is basically a "behavior" school. Students come to us, usually, for some fairly serious behaviors in other schools. And I am positive that you both already know that doesn't always mean that the kids "failed" somewhere. Often it has been a system failure or other factors in these kids' lives that have impacted them. At any rate by the time they arrive at my door they have been tossed around so many times and abandoned by so many programs and facilities that their view of adults as been shaped into something making us resemble the monster in Frakenstein.

So we do have a tremendous amount of "unlearning" and re-learning to do. I can't speak for the other classrooms but in my room the very first and highest priority is to make sure that they know they are safe and then to establish a relationship based on trust. From there we can begin dealing with the academics.

The whole premise of this BLOG is that I have a belief that the single MOST important thing that I can give my kids is the ability to self-examine, self-evaluate, and self-manage. My job, to me, is not to teach them WHAT to learn but rather HOW to learn so that they can take those skills with them for the rest of their lives. I do not want to teach them my own personal values but I do want them to learn how to develop their own inner code and to live by it as best they can.

I believe in my kids and they know it. I believe that nobody truly wants to do bad things but that there are times when they just don't have the tools to figure out a better way.

Their pasts have shaped them and, while we can't undo the past, we can provide opportunities for a different and better future if they are willing to be vulnerable and grow.

I love the fact that people from all over the world are responding here and participating. The more we can hear what other people are doing then the bigger the menu of ideas we might have.

The world is our classroom and we had better come here prepared to learn.

3/04/2006 10:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes I do. Certainly, in front of co-workers and customers I behave more conservatively. I let things all hang out with friends and some family. Finally, I do check what I say to family. I don't think it is necessarily beng phony, I see it as just behaving appropriately in certain situations. Also, I take into account what does or doesn't make others comfortable and try to be accomodating.

3/12/2006 9:48 AM  

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